Words I never thought I'd see

This from the usually quite entertaining "10 Spot" on SI.com:

8. Nextel Cup champ Jimmie Johnson has signed with Elizabeth Arden to be the national spokesman for the Daytona 500 Fragrance for Men. And this is practical for racing fans -- the cologne doubles as insect repellant.

I don't know how to take this.

Perhaps I should go outside and look for four big guys riding horses down Taurus Drive. (Or perhaps, riding opossums.)



This is a Nascar champion. You know, the keep-turning-left sport of beer-swilling rednecks. Not that I have anything against beer-swilling rednecks. Hell, I'm a beer-swilling redneck. I've even covered auto racing events, featuring real Nascar drivers.

And Berwick, Pa.'s own Jimmy Spencer, "Mr. Excitement," so named because, depending on who you ask, he makes a race exciting by competing for first (well, in the AAA series, anyway) or he makes a race exciting because when he's on the track, somebody - and not necessarily Jimmy - is going to crash. I once had the pleasure of asking Jimmy what it was like to look through the windshield and see the infield skidding by as you slide along on the nose of the car. To his credit, his response was basically pray you land right-side up (which he did).

I haven't followed Nascar quite as much since Jimmy lost his ride.

But I've digressed from the point. Which is that the Nascar champion is going to be a spokesman for Elizabeth Arden.

You know, the perfume lady?



And believe me, I know a lot about Elizabeth Arden products, too. My ex-fiancee adored them. I've probably spent more money on Elizabeth Arden perfume than I have on Nascar stuff. And I love toy cars.

I often say that if I'd taken all the money I spent at Bath & Body Works, and just invested it in Bath & Body Works stock, I'd be a rich man.

The point is, of course, the two things - Nascar and Elizabeth Arden - just don't mix. I mean, read that again: Daytona 500 Fragrance for Men.

Who wants to smell like suntan lotion, barbecue and exhaust fumes?

And besides, if Elizabeth Arden wants to get into racing, why not go with a more obvious choice, like current fan favorite racing hottie Danica Patrick? Or even slightly less successful racing hottie Sarah Fisher? Even pioneering drivers Lyn St. James or Shirley Muldowney would work.

But much like Michael Jordan cologne, there are some olfactory things that just don't make sense. Elizabeth Arden thinking I want to smell like a car - even Jimmie Johnson's Nascar-champion car - is just one of them.