Friday, June 02, 2006

The big day... why am I so blah?

Tomorrow's the movie premiere, down in Maryland. Just about exactly 24 hours from now, my name's going to scroll across the credits of a real live B-movie.

I feel very strange about it today. I'm not like super-excited giddy, which I think everyone expects me to be. The thing is, I am, just inside, I think. I mean, I'm really excited, but I think in a way it feels like the end of a great journey, not the start of something. So I guess there's some sadness in there.

Maybe it's nerves. My parents will be there, despite being somewhat squeamish about these things. Ed's going to be there, but that's not it, either. I mean, he's my bud, and he was on set the one day, so it's not like he doesn't know what to expect.

It's not the drive to Maryland. Heck, I was in D.C. last week.

And it's not fear that the movie will suck. I've seen half of it, and it rocked. I mean, I suppose there's always a chance the world-at-large will hate it, but I'm not nervous about that.

And I am definitely looking forward to seeing everyone from the cast and crew - and getting my poster signed! I'll be running around like a senior with a yearbook in the half-hour before the show, methinks! And that may be part of the nerves. I hate stuff like that, it's part of the reason I gave up on reporting, and part of the reason I suck at picking up girls. The approach has never been my strong suit.

Stewie asked me once about how come I, the reporter, often take a back seat to him when we're at the cons trolling for screeners, and I said it was because he has no hesitation about walking up to someone and chatting with them, whereas when I lack the power of a press behind me ("Hi, I'm Ace, with the XXX newspaper...") I am not nearly so brave. Part of that shyness thing my therapist used to tell me about, I guess. It's not that I lack courage, I don't think, I just lack that kind of courage.

I think part of it, too, is fear of being late. The show starts PROMPTLY at 7 p.m., or so I'm told. And y'all know I'm late for everything, even when, as today's lunch date, it wasn't really my fault. Last week, on the ride back, I spent an hour making the 15 minute drive across Delaware, thanks to some ugly traffic.

(And maybe the nerves of trying to date a girl in general, and a somewhat mysterious one on top of that, with the pressure of getting set up, are getting to the rest of my life, too? Who knows. With all the pressures of the New Work Order on top of that, anything is possible.)

But as for the lateness, well, I'm meeting my folks for dinner beforehand, so I've got a window of screw-upped-ness. They're used to me being late anyway.

I'm pretty sure tomorrow I'll be giddy and goofy and pumped and psyched. (And probably thus spending three hours making Ed wish he wasn't trapped in a car with me.) I just want to get there. It's been a long week at work, even though it was a short week. And it's not over yet (don't tell!). It'll be a relief to get through it, but then I'll probably wish it went on forever.

So to sum up, yeah, I'm excited. Delighted. Thrilled. I'm just not showing it yet. Maybe, since I wear my emotions on my sleeve so much, the very best things I like to keep inside. Just for me. I'm sure when I go to bed tonight, it's all I'll think about.

Besides, screaming and dancing and jumping up and down at work is usually considered poor form.

Mood: One part confused in general, one part tired and working, one part conspiratorially giddy about my freakin' movie premiere!!!!!

See, already I'm getting psyched. Just thinking about it. Yay! Munkee!

(And evidently my last post should've read Mood: Forgetful since I forgot my little mood tag. D'oh!)

1 Comment:

Freak Magnet said...

That's so awesome for you. I suspect you're not in as giddy a mood as you think you should be maybe because you're having a hard time believing its real.

Good luck, and have a blast!