Hawaii Diarii, Day 2, Part 1

OK, I splurged on the in-room Internet, if for no other reason than I have a review to write and get to Stewie, and one of his to bounce back. And my cell-phone link-up keeps putzing out on me before I can get anything done. After Diarii Day 1, it bombed my Mac six times before I gave up.

So let me add a few details I forgot:

• I went past the yacht harbor on the bus ride in, and the bus driver pointed out it was the departure point for one of the most famous ships in history: The S.S. Minnow, on its three-hour tour. I took a picture, but I don't seem to be able to post them for some reason.

• Tally of tourist couples who asked me to take their picture: 1.

• I got in front of a dude on a Segway with a flashing headline, and for a brief second, no doubtedly due to either the Blue Hawaii, the jet lag or the Thai place's chili sauce, I thought I was being pulled over for jaywalking.

• Oh, and a store across from the hotel has a T-shirt shop that features shirts dyed green with recycled U.S. currency. I'm doing my part for the environment later and buying the one labeled "Lucky Monkey Casino."

• Finally, I never thought I'd stroll into a fancy-looking restaurant in a pair of cargo shorts and bright red pullover polo and feel OVERdressed.

On to Day 2, part 1:

• I got up BEFORE my 8 a.m. wakeup call. This is SO going to screw up my system. A lot of people are planning extracurriculars around the con for way early in the morning, and I was worried. Sheesh.

• Moral dilemma for tomorrow: Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals is on... in the middle of the freakin' afternoon. I don't know what to do, but if it's as hot tomorrow when the sun is high as it was today, I'll be watching the Canes and Oilers.

• Speaking of hot. Sheesh. I'm wilting. My sore leg is killing me, my side hurts and I have a headache despite (or perhaps because of) chugging a liter of ice-cold Coke.

• That's because I went for a good long walk today, which really only served to convince me that a) my sore leg will never, ever heal properly; and b) I really, really, really need to go to the gym and get in shape. Not because of all the cut surfer bodies - there are plenty of fat dudes wandering around shirtless - but because it's just so damn tiring to walk so far. I went a few miles. And I hurt.

• Where did I walk, you ask? First, I went to the place advertising the cheapest breakfasts in Waikiki, one of the places I wandered past last night. Coconut pancakes, yummy. And because I dumped the entire cup of coconut syrup on them (tastes better than it sounds, or looks for that matter), I wound up having coconut eggs and coconut bacon, too.

• By the way, it's a lot easier to find your way around when you have a map, like the one I collected from the travel desk downstairs. It's sponsored by the Polynesian Cultural Center, but I couldn't find THAT on the stinkin' map. Poor planning on somebody's part. I would've thought that would be in bold, bright colors. Still, map good.

• Then I walked to the Honolulu Zoo - very cool, lots of monkeys, including one that played to the crowd (some kind of gibbon) by swinging madly from the trees in his pen. I shot a little video, which again, I can't post. I actually got blitzed by the first chimp I saw in the chimp pen (in the African Safari section, of all things) and I can sort of see how they can tear people's faces off, like that poor dude in California. I guess Chimpy didn't like getting his picture taken. I shit you not, he charged, ran right at me, grabbed a branch, swung with his arms, screeched and flat-out KICKED THE GLASS separating us. THUD! I'm proud to say not only did I not piss myself, I got off a photo in mid-swing. It's blurry, the flash reflected off the plexi and he's not really kicking, but I got it. I can't post that one, either, though. Darn Blogger. Pity nobody was around to see it, I'd gotten ahead of the families I was near. Because that was very, very cool. In a "thank God I didn't piss myself" sort of way.

• Then I went to the Honolulu Aquarium. You know, considering we're on a freakin' island, it was pretty disappointing. Not big at all. I'm talking smaller than Camden, more like the Maritime one in Connecticut. Just shrimpy. Though I did get to see the seal feedings. And they have some excellent jellyfish. But there's a mall nearby (the one with the T-shirt store) that has a freakin' ray in a giant tank, and the aquarium - part of the U. of Hawaii - doesn't even have one. Go figure.

• So after several more miles of walking, I came back to the hotel and decided I'd rather not go sit on the beach at noontime-ish when the sun is highest. So I sat outside and read a book for an hour or so. Then came back in and started writing this. I think I'm going to go check out the beach next - I bought some suntan lotion - and then go find some dinner. Then maybe try one of those nightclubs or bars tonight.

• I find myself thinking that the next time I come back, I want to plan things better and visit other islands - everywhere I go, tour companies are pitching the different places, and they sound pretty cool. I'd love to go on one of those helicopter tours like some cousins - I forget which - did on their honeymoon. They had some excellent pictures of what I think might be the Big Island.

• Oh, and I bought a T-shirt at the zoo. It's got the primate family tree on it, with pictures of monkeys and a big label at the neckline that says "homo sapiens" where your head comes out.

Again, don't know what time Blogger says it is (I changed the time on my computer clock), but it's about 2 p.m. local now.

And if you're expecting an e-mail, I can't send for some reason. I can receive, though. Beats me, computer says it's some kind of security issue.

Day 2, Part 2 later, if I'm sober enough to write. Might as well use the Net access, I'm paying for it.

On to the next part!