Monday, May 08, 2006

I hate spring

When people ask me my favorite season, I say crushed red pepper.

Oh, wait, that's my favorite seasoning.

My favorite season is fall.

I like the leaves. Hockey's starting. Football's in full swing. Baseball is into its pennant races. And it's not too cold, and definitely not too hot. And not as much rain as spring.

And no goddamn allergies.

I hate spring (or as I'm saying it these days, "I haype sbrig.")

My allergies are all out of whack this year because of the early heat and stuff. They were getting better after I moved from Pennsylvania (which has plants and stuff) to Jersey (which has malls and stuff). But not this year, no.

Why do I hate spring? Let me count the ways.

1. I can't breathe through my nose.
2. I sneeze all the time.
3. My eyes water so bad I literally can't see sometimes.
4. Nosebleeds.

From all that sneezing and crap - I woke up the other day just literally fountaining blood. By the time I blinked into the bathroom mirror, I looked like an assault victim.

5. Lack of sleep from aforementioned breathing issues. So I'm prone to being tired anyway.
6. I can't take allergy medicine.

That's right. I can't. It puts me right to sleep, even the daytime stuff. I took two pills the other day and fell asleep at work four times in eight hours. It was a joy driving home, let me tell you.

I took a different pill Saturday and it worked great. Sunday, not so much. Today, not at all, really.

And my two weeks of allergies are about up, but there's no sign of abation this year.

(Is "abation" a word? Don't expect me to look it up.)

7. Chapped lips - from mouth-breathing all the time.
8. Watery eyes mean constant rubbing mean oily hands on face mean zits.
9. Did I mention my eyes itch like hell?
10. Sinus headaches, from being all stuffed up.

Yeah, that's fair. Either my nose is running, bleeding or completely clogged, and because all the snot is backing up, my freakin' head hurts. Right where I have to rub it to get the crap out of my eyes.

Insert string of profanities here.

11. My glasses are constantly filthy.

Don't ask how sneezing and rubbing my eyes gets them so damn dirty. Backwash, I guess.

12. I can't roll down the windows in my car or open the sunroof.

Takes the joy out of the nice weather and the long commute. Insert second string of profanities here.

I hate spring.

Seasonal allergies
The joy of nosebleeds
Allergy medicines

And yes, the people I hung out with this weekend really saw me at my finest. Not.

1 Comment:

Stewie said...

What about prescription medicines?