Random observations from the Midwest

Three bits of oddness from my weekend in Kansas City, Mo.:

• Only in the Midwest could a place get its liquor license suspended over lap-dancing. More specifically, over lap dances the owners insisted the girls performed against rules and without permission.

Now, I've been to a strip club or two in my life, and the one phrase I can say I've never, ever heard is: "Now, I'm really not supposed to do this, but..."

I have heard, "You want sexy Russian bitch give you lap dance?" (The answer being, "not today.") But that's another story. And not a very pleasant one.

• On the talk radio at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. Midwest time, I heard someone say the only people who will watch the upcoming O.J. Simpson interview are the kind of people who watch car wrecks.

I live in Jersey, where watching car wrecks is almost a national pastime. And I grew up in NASCAR country, where watching car wrecks is a legitimate sport.

I'm still not planning on watching. But I am wondering if it would be crass to include an Amazon link to O.J.'s book here.

• Finally, to get off on a bit of a rant, Continental managed to screw up my reservation. I get to the gate at the ungodly hour of 5:25 a.m. Midwest, and they said my flight in - which was pretty much flawless - was flagged for a problem, as if I'd complained or something.

Then, they said I was listed as having flown Northwest through Detroit to Kansas City. Which I didn't. I flew direct. On Continental Express. They asked if I had my boarding pass. Like I need to prove I was on the flight I was on. Dude, I was there. I know where I flew. And it wasn't Northwest and it sure as shit wasn't through Detroit.

(I'll ask you the question I asked them: Who the hell keeps their boarding pass after their flight? Their answer: Lots of people. I call bullshit. Receipt, maybe; boarding pass, no. In fact, I sent my receipt to my boss at Raiderfans.net. But I chucked my boarding pass last night when I was packing.)

They finally got me on the flight. In a different seat than the one I was booked in, after I apparently wasn't in the system at all. At 5:30 in the freakin' morning. I can't wait to find out if I'm in someone else's seat in an hour or so.

I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to Continental later, assuming I a) actually have a seat on, and subsequently survive, the flight back; and b) actually land in Newark, where I'm supposed to. I've never had a problem with a flight in my life. Hell, I'm pretty sure I've never been to Detroit in my life. Or, that I recall, flown Northwest.

And I know I didn't do it 36 hours ago. My memory's not that bad.

When they thank their OnePass frequent flier members like they do by rote every flight, I hope they won't be able to read minds.