Giving 'em the finger

Kinda lame topic today, but it's what's on my mind...

I'm eating Wendy's chili. I love Wendy's chili, and Wendy's is on my way home, open 'til 1 a.m. and only $2 for a large.

I missed Wendy's chili. I didn't eat it for a while because of that whole finger incident.

You know, the one where the lady in California told everyone and their mother than she found a finger in her chili at Wendy's?

Well, much like when I saw "Jaws" as a kid, and didn't go swimming for years, or when the terrorists were all over back in the mid-'80s, and my family wound up taking the train to Florida, this was cause for avoidance.

Until, of course, they figured out the lady put the finger in the chili herself.

She wanted to sue, of course, since we live in a litigious society. Now, Wendy's is trying to get some kind of compensation from her because of their lost business. On the other hand, if she had money, she wouldn't be borrowing a relative's finger to try and extort some from them.

Insert various "allegedlys" here. I have no idea what the status of the lawsuits are. I don't care.

The point is, I can eat my Wendy's chili again, and I'm happier for it. I've gained back a few pounds, but I'm happier.

Stupid woman, ruining my fun. I hate when people do stuff like that, and it hurts everybody, even people who had nothing to do with it. Like, everybody who loves Wendy's chili was afraid to eat it, lest they get a finger of their own, and she's just trying to get rich quick. I wouldn't mind getting rich quick, but I'll play the Mega lottery like everyone else.

By the way, remember that early post where I remarked how the littlest bonus surprises make me happy? I got not the usual zero chili spice packets tonight, not one, not two, but three! Super-duper-hot-munkee-Wendy's-chili! Yay!

Plus, I always ask for a package of croutons. Croutons make everything better. Croutons should be their own food group. And it's the second batch of croutons I had today, since I got lunch at Saladworks.

Speaking of a litigious society, did you see my favorite political hypocrite Tom DeLay had his lawyers subpoena the prosecutor who's trying to bust him? Some people have no fundamental decency.

Oh, and speaking of Republican goofs, how about this Harriet Miers thing with the Supreme Court? Kind of funny to see the conservatives freaking out - for once they're not taking Dubya's word for it, I guess!

Best sentence of the day on her and her qualifications, courtesy of CNN.com:

"Miers left few clues to her position on abortion when she served on the Dallas City Council and as lottery commissioner during Bush's Texas governorship."

Because, traditionally, when I want to read a position paper on abortion, I look to the state lottery commissioner. Uh-huh.

"Tonight's first number in the Pick Three is... six! The second number... six! And the third number is... three! Fooled you! You thought it was going to be six-six-six because abortion is the work of the devil, didn't you? Ha-ha-ha! Thanks for playing the Texas Lotto Pick Three! All proceeds go to benefit senior citizens."

Somewhere, I said at work tonight, an enterprising reporter is trying to convince his editor to let him call all 50 state lottery commissioners to ask them THEIR opinions on abortion. Where's The Onion when you need it?

Links:
• Wendy's, where you can get a small chili for 99 cents and a large for just a dollar more!
• Marie Callender's Croutons, just one of many kinds
(Yes, food makers, Mookie J. Monkey is available for commercials and endorsements. Send samples to him c/o me. Munkees like chili! Munkees like croutons!)
• And a news story on the whole finger scandal

Last, but not least, this is what happens when Texas Lottery commissioners take a real stand. And this, of course, is priceless:

Sept. 29, 2005: Texas Lottery commissioner steps down to become judge

And not the one you're thinking of.