Thursday, January 19, 2006

As they say, payback's a bitch

So my reward for the hubris of yesterday's post was a nightmare so vivid and traumatizing, I've literally felt physically ill all day.


Karma has never really been an ally of mine.

The strangest thing is that it's a dream I don't think I've ever had before - I was being picked on by a group of teenage types in a supermarket parking lot while trying to either put groceries into the car or take garbage out (near a dumpster?) or both.

I woke up feeling so weak, so much a failure, I could barely get out of bed.

Serves me right.

It's not like I don't have vivid dreams all the time - and some of them do really leave me feeling it in the morning. I've had dreams about Michelle that have left me so heartbroken when I woke up that I'm shaking and nearly in tears.

But usually my dreams just involve something chasing me or something exciting like that. I dream first-person and when I was a teenager, there were so many things chasing me my dream-avatar began carrying a gun.

I've actually died in my dreams - they say you'll die in real life if that happens, but I'm still here. And I've had other dreams that have scared me so much I've woken up afraid to open my eyes.

But I think this is the first one I've ever been harrassed in. It was really humiliating (within the dream) and I really just don't feel myself.

From ruthless aggression to sick-to-my-stomach wussiness in less than 12 hours. Y'all wonder why I'm slightly unhinged.

Vivid dreams and nightmares

Many articles I found on my usual Google link-search mentioned pregnancy or medication. I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant, even if I have gained a few pounds over the holidays. So maybe that means my anti-depressants are making me have dreams that depress me.

Did I say "Figures." already?