Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Repressed memories?

The past two nights, I've dreamed about my ex-fiancee. Not in a sexual way, or anything, more like a romantic way or relationship way - one night, I had to rescue her from something, I think, and the other one we were together.

I don't know why, suddenly, this happened.

If I say I don't think about her much, that's not entirely true. There's probably some part of me that thinks about her every day. But generally speaking, it's not something at the forefront of my mind. I think most memories I have of her come up in the context of something that reminds me of her, or maybe because of some sense of loneliness in my present life. She's become almost symbolic.

It's not like I haven't had girlfriends since; I've had two real ones, one a pretty intense relationship, and plenty of dates.

Just got me thinking about her. And not even by choice. I can't control my dreams.

But I was really thinking about her. I don't miss the girl who walked out of my life, and the girl she became, at least based on what friends told me. I miss the girl I fell in love with. I miss the girl I loved, in a way I worry I'll never love anyone else.

Like I said, she's become symbolic.

I know, some of you are thinking, "Get over her." That's the weird thing. I feel like I am. I feel like I got over her the next time I loved someone else. So why the dreams?

Maybe I really do miss her.

Maybe I just need to get laid.

Either way, I hope I don't have a third dream tonight. My heart still aches a little when I wake up and she's not there. I guess that means I meant it when I asked her to marry me, and I would have loved her for the rest of my life. Too bad. I keep hoping she won't haunt me until I die.

Yeah. Right. Like I can think of anything to put here.

On the other hand, a bonus link: StickPage.com, which features the addictive "Defend Your Castle" game. Yes, it's all about stick figures. Ever seen me draw? Then you know why I can relate.


Freak Magnet said...

You know what? I'm going to send you a book I think you'll really enjoy. Well, not really ENJOY as much as APPRECIATE. It's the book that quote on my blog came from. I think you'll get a lot out of it. The wife DIES in the book, but a lot of the feelings of loss are the same.

Aric Blue said...

Dude, I've been with her MANY times since she dumped you and let me tell you--she ain't that good a lay.

Move on. There's better nookie out there waiting for you.

Freak Magnet said...


Dude, that is wrong.

Just wrong.

Ace, tell me that didn't make you feel just a LITTLE better.