Why Ann Marie Barbour kicks ass!

Yes, this is two posts in one day, thereby setting up an unreasonable expectation not seen since the time I got a 4.0 first semester freshman year, a mark never to be repeated. In fact, I never came close, even if I got the word "honors" somewhere on the degree.

Creative writing, if you're wondering. As my pal Phillip Gomez put it, we got a B.A. in B.S.

And by the way, my goal is a post a day. Reality? You'll be lucky to get one a week, but I'm an optimist, you know. I'm also addicted to Gran Turismo 4, so take your chances.

But you're probably wondering about the title. After all, what does Ann Marie Barbour, actress, mother and sometime QVC hostess, have to do with me?

Well, this is the post about my movie.

And "Why Ann Marie Barbour kicks ass!" seemed like a much better title than "My movie." In my other life, I write headlines for a living, and I know what sells a story and what doesn't.

By the way, I suppose technically it's not *my* movie. It's Timewarp Films' movie. But I wrote it, or at least most of it. And since this is my blog, as far as we're concerned, it's mine.

And Ann Marie Barbour is one of the stars. She plays Sari, who's named after my friend Sari. That didn't come out right. But you know what I mean.

Now, this post could just as easily have been called "Why Dennis Hill kicks ass!" or "Why Colleen Taylor kicks ass!" or "Why Justin Timpane kicks ass!" But Justin already got his post today. And I just like saying "Ann Marie Barbour." Yes, I read these out loud to myself as I write. Sue me.

And hey, if you're MISTER Barbour, no, I'm not a stalker. I'm a screenwriter. Put down the gun.

OK, first things first. I'm a screenwriter (I said that) among my other writing jobs. I got my start back at CMU, where I took Sharon Dilworth's Study of Forms: Screenwriting class (or maybe it was Survey of Forms, it's been a while. point is...). Then, under Professor Dilworth's no-doubt-amused guidance, I wrote a full-length screenplay for my senior honors project. It's not bad, but it needs some rewriting.

So one day I was sitting around, dreaming, as I often do, of a way I could finally get my writing published, and therefore justify all the money my parents paid for that CMU degree. Well, I thought, why not write another script? So I did, and I entered it in a contest.

I didn't win, or I wouldn't be writing this post.

Because this post isn't about that script. It's about the next one: "Dead Hunt."

Now, I'm not giving anything away about the movie - you'll have to buy the DVD when it comes out. And yes, that's a blatant bit of self-promotion. There's money in it for me somehow, though I'm not sure how, because I didn't read my contract that closely.

Anyway... point is, my friend Joe Ripple, one-half of Timewarp Films and the director for whom I wrote the script, has let me hang around the set (where I've tried my best to make myself useful) and I even got a small part in the movie.

No, now that I think about it (there's that stream-of-consciousness thing I'm going for again) that's not the point. The point is...

This has been one of the greatest experiences of my life.

So yes, these are rose-colored glasses I'm looking through. It's only fair to point out, in the interests of disclosure, that this is a straight-to-DVD B-horror movie.

But it's going to be great! Trust me on this. You just wait and see. I can't wait, honestly, and I've seen!

So let's sum up why I picked that title:

Because being on set with the cast and crew has been awesome. I really can't describe it. I'd love to work with Timewarp again, but if this is a once-in-a-lifetime deal, I'll take it and love every minute of it. Even the ones when I'm driving to and from Maryland in the middle of the night (I live in Jersey. three hours, door-to-door. I could do it in my sleep. and have.).

They're not even done filming yet, so keep those virtual fingers virtually crossed for me - but I just want it up front: Everyone involved kicks ass!

This didn't quite come out as well as I'd hoped, which is a shame, because the title is so enticing. But I don't want to do a name-by-name list of everyone who kicks ass and why. Somebody'd get mad.

So when "Dead Hunt" hits DVD, buy it. And when you get to the end, watch the credits. And know that each and every name on that list was awesome to work with and has my eternal gratitude. Their talents, you can see for yourself. I can only hope my script does those talents justice.

God, what an experience. I can't say enough about Joe Ripple and Don Dohler letting me come along for the ride. If you're an actor, within driving distance of Maryland, go work for Timewarp. They do quality stuff and they're class acts all the way.

God, what a thrill this has been. I wish you all could feel the way I do. Just a few more weeks of filming, then the long summer of waiting for the DVD. I'll miss it. I always loved the camaraderie of acting, and being on set, I really felt like I belonged, and I really felt like I was part of something special. I hope you'll feel the same way when you see the film. Joe and Don and the awesome cast deserve no less, no matter what you think I deserve.

On the list of great adventures in my life, I daresay this is No. 2, behind only the night I got engaged, which remains, to this day, the happiest night of my life.

No, I never got married, but that, like the trip to the lesbian bar from the other post, is a story for another day.

Links:
www.timewarpfilms.com

And hey, "DH" actors and crew: If you've got a Web site, post a comment with it. I have this fantasy that important people may read this blog someday, and maybe one of them will be a talent agent! Remember me when you're famous!