Sunday, March 02, 2008

Big Day of Blogs, Part 1: Monkey Madness

Today, my main goals on a rare Sunday when I have nothing to do, are as follows:

• Write the four blog posts I've been meaning to write.
• Hack through our mountain of laundry so I can lay off the Sherpas.

Thus, Part 1 of 4: Monkey Madness!

This one harks back to the bad old days of Monkey Mondays past. Two bits of monkey news you might find fun!

The first one is from via CNN. It has to do with one of my favorite places in the world: Monkey Jungle!

There was -- and I believe there probably still is -- a place in Florida called the Monkey Jungle. It had funny little monkeys swinging from vines overhead, it had monkey memorabilia that made monkey memories last forever, it even had a monkey that was trained to put his hairy little arms around your neck and smile for the camera. I could go on, but suffice it to say the place was lousy with monkeys, and my cousin Suzie Gale and I thought we'd found paradise, complete with souvenir shop and snack bar. Then it happened.

Fact: Suzie was holding a peanut.

Fact: There, high above a large cage of spider monkeys, hung a gigantic sign that read, "Do not feed the monkeys."

You can imagine how this one ends!

The second piece of monkey madness is slightly more informative, and definitely more raunchy. This one is also via CNN, and it's from Time magazine:

Leah was staring at George. A series of rapid, pulsating whimpers escaped her lips. She then drew near to George, who locked gazes with her, his face unreadable. His shoulders were relaxed, and when Leah was within his grasp he opened his right arm and embraced her. Leah lay on the ground and George looked into her eyes. He bent over to lie on her, while Leah wrapped her legs around George's waist...

Is this a missing letter from the Penthouse Forum? The steamy section of a well-thumbed romance novel? Try neither: The scene is actually taken from the April 2007 issue of the Gorilla Gazette, a primatology journal. Leah and George aren't star-crossed lovers caught in mid-tryst. They're western gorillas in Nouabale-Ndoki National Park in the Republic of Congo...

That's right. Monkey mating! Believe it or not, scientists are studying why some gorillas do it in the missionary position, as opposed to doggie... er... monkey style.

(Editor's Note: Adults only on that link! NSFW! Yadda yadda yadda! This one, too! Ya perverts!)

Watch for Parts 2, 3 and 4 later today! If we're both lucky.

(Editor's Note II: I don't know if we will be. Not a second after I typed, "If we're both lucky," I sneezed and horked a giant snot ball all over my laptop screen. This may well be an omen.)