Monday, June 27, 2005

Suicidal foolish and crazy brave

24 hours (and a few minutes) in the life of me:

12:30 a.m. Saturday:
Arrive home from work. Start burning iTunes mix. Pick a new book to read (Harry Pfanz on Cemetery Hill and Culp's Hill at Gettysburg).

Pause to see a man about a munkee.

1 a.m. Saturday:
Mix is finished. Check the two DVDs that arrived in the mail ("American Psycho" and "Team America: World Police." very patriotic titles. both unrated.). Both work fine.

Eat some fast food. Watch a little TV.

2 a.m. Saturday:
Change, go to bed.

2:30 a.m. Saturday:
Stare at ceiling.

Look at alarm clock.

Think about 8:45 a.m. alarm.

Curse the fates.

3 a.m. Saturday:
Get out of bed. See munkee again.

Go back to bed. Repeat alarm clock routine, but with different curse.

Approx. 3:30 a.m. Saturday:
Fall asleep.

8:45 a.m. Saturday:
Alarm on alarm clock goes off.

Fumble around until alarm clock is off. Roll over.

9 a.m. Saturday:
Alarm on cell phone goes off.

Fumble around until alarm is off. Roll over.

9:45 a.m. Saturday:
Wake up.

Realize I have to be on the road by 10. Stagger out of bed.

9:45-10:15 a.m. Saturday:
Personal hygiene stuff you don't want to know the details of. Get dressed.

10:20 a.m. Saturday:
Pull out of garage and hit the road. Destination: Maryland.

10:20-11:15 a.m. Saturday:
Route 206 South to I-295 South to the New Jersey Turnpike.

Listen to new mix.

11:15-11:55 a.m. Saturday:
New Jersey Turnpike South to the Delaware Memorial Bridge.

Change CDs. Stop for gas.

Pay toll at bridge. Pay second toll at bridge.

11:55 a.m.-12:20 p.m. Saturday:
Drive across Delaware on I-95.

Pay toll. Note that once again, the tollbooth attendant at the Delaware/Maryland border is an attractive young woman. (See earlier post.)

12:20-1:10 p.m. Saturday:
I-95 through Maryland.

Call Stewie, ask him where everyone is meeting. 1 p.m. at the Arundel Mills Mall theater.

Pay another toll.

1:10-1:30 p.m. Saturday:
Follow MapQuest directions to Arundel Mills Mall.

Park approx. 1 mile from movie theater. Oddly, unknown at the time, one row away from Stewie.

Curse giant valet parking area.

Buy movie ticket at automated booth to skip long line for some kids' movie. One for "Land of the Dead," 1:35 p.m. Get matinee price. Yay!

One more munkee visit.

1:35 p.m. Saturday:
Stumble into darkened movie theater. Look for Stewie. See no one familiar.

1:36 p.m. Saturday:
Spotted by Squ1d. Find seat next to Stewie.

1:37 p.m. Saturday:
Note with smile that I didn't miss even a trailer. Right on time. Sort of.

Approx. 3:20 p.m. Saturday:
Exit movie theater with a bigger smile. Good movie.

3:25 p.m. Saturday:
Walk to parking lot with Stewie. Discover proximity of truck and car.

Give Stewie borrowed DVDs ("Cube" and "Cube 2").

Walk back.

Group photo!

3:30 p.m. Saturday:
Eat lunch at Chevy's with the movie crew: Stewie, Freak, Tressa, DDM, Squ1d, Squ1d's woman, Hubert and some other guy.

Chips & salsa, Mexican beer and spicy enchiladas. Yum.

5:10 p.m. Saturday:
Say goodbyes.

Back on the road!

5:15-5:20 p.m. Saturday:
Drive around parking lot until I find exit.

5:20-6:30 p.m. Saturday:
Get stuck in traffic on I-895. Get through toll.

Back across Maryland on I-95.

Make some phone calls. Wonder how I lasted 25 years without a cell phone.

Pay more tolls. Again, the toll booth attendant at the Maryland/Delaware line is an attractive young woman. As is the attendant in the next booth over. (Not the same attendants as the trip down.)

6:30-7:45 p.m. Saturday:
More driving. Reverse of previous. Bridge to Turnpike. North this time.

Call girl I've gone on a few dates with. Arrange to meet for a quick dinner.

7:45-8:15 p.m. Saturday:
Get lost on the way to pizza place.

Drive around Cranbury.

Find pizza place.

8:15-9:15 p.m. Saturday:
Dinner. More fun get-to-know-you conversation.

9:16 p.m. Saturday:
Walk her home.

Good-night kiss. Yay!

9:16-10:15 p.m. Saturday:
Back on Turnpike, then Parkway North, then I-280 North, bound for West Orange.

Call Anthony.

Two more tolls.

10:15 p.m. Saturday:
Arrive in West Orange. Pull over into driveway, call Anthony.

Figure out where to park. Walk to Anthony's.

10:20-10:30 p.m. Saturday:
Get settled in for Gatti-Mayweather PPV fight. Potentially fight of the year.

Say hi to Anthony's girl. Meet Anthony's dog and two of Anthony's friends. Give dog a carrot. Remark that carrots make my dog throw up.

See another munkee. Too much soda.

Open a beer. Eat snacks.

10:30-11:15 p.m. Saturday:
Watch "Vicious" Vivian Harris get upset by some guy with the worst punching form ever. Laugh at boxer with girl's name.

Open another beer.

11:15-11:59 p.m. Saturday:
Watch Gatti get systematically destroyed by Mayweather.

Note Mayweather is too quick.

Watch Anthony stomp around in disgust.

Third beer. More snacks. Give dog another carrot.

Watch Gatti's trainer stop the fight. Clearly not fight of the year.

Commiserate with Anthony.

Visit munkee again.

12:05 a.m. Sunday:
Decline Anthony's offer to go to the bar with his friends. Exhausted.

We all walk to our cars.

12:05-12:50 a.m. Sunday:
Drive home. Parkway (South this time) to I-78 West and so on.

12:50 a.m. Sunday:
Home at last.

See last munkee of the day. Too much beer.

Change. Read a little more Pfanz.

And thence to bed.

The New Jersey Turnpike Authority
The Arundel Mills Mall
"Land of the Dead," the latest from George A. Romero
Chevys (not the car)
A list of New Jersey pizza places
The disaster that was Gatti-Mayweather
"24," a Fox show I've heard a lot about and never seen

And for today's bonus link: Asia Argento, star of "Land of the Dead."


Freak Magnet said...

I drove 5 hours to NJ EACH WAY for a 2 1/2 concert, then went home, slept for a couple hours and got up to make the movie.

I spent more hours driving in the same time frame as you, therefore, I have a bigger internet penis than you.

Stewie said...

internet penis


I just wrote that down.

Ace said...

All right, now that I've gotten over the image of your Internet penii, a question:

How the heck does it take Ms. Speed Demon five hours each way from Maryland to Jersey, and me, Mr. Take It Easy Driver, less than four?