Guess what? Jesus (heart)s her!

I was sitting in traffic today behind a very slow-driving woman with a bumper sticker that read: "Guess what? Jesus (heart)s me!"

And I found myself wondering, the Jesus bit aside - relative to my Judaism - if God loves some people more than others. (Slow drivers, maybe.)

I'm not much of a religious type (duh) but I always thought God loved everyone. But does he love everyone equally? I mean, how do you explain cancer and AIDS and Republicanism and other diseases?

Why do the good die young, and people like Slobodan Milosevic die old and in bed? (OK, he died old and in a jail-cell bed, but still.) Why are their sickos on our streets who rape and murder children and old women? Doesn't God love the meek, the blessed?

Or does God love everyone equally at the start, and then how much he loves them depends on how they live their lives.

I work with (at least) three people who are quite devoutly religious. Does God love them more than me? I'd like to think I'm just as good a person as they are, relatively speaking (one doesn't drink or swear, that's an unfair advantage). Or at least, I have the same good intentions.

Does God love me just as much? Or will I pay for my sleep-and-football-over-Sabbath lifestyle? Surely they believe they are doing the right thing by worshipping and following the doctrine. But how different is formally listing 10 rules on Sunday from just living by them every day?

The Catholic doctrine of original sin is sort of the opposite, isn't it? Everyone has to earn their way to heaven... (it's been a while since I studied that sort of thing in college). And, of course, God loves the infantry. That goes without saying.

But take two small babies, for instance, orphans from another country. Why does one end up adopted by wealthy, loving parents, and another end up bouncing from foster home to foster home? Doesn't God love both? How come they don't both get the same chance? And should the fortunate/blessed one feel grateful? Guilty? Both? Should the unfortunate/unblessed one be allowed to feel angry, or resentful, or jealous?

Is it a test? For which?

Is the answer in the Bible? I've opened my Bible once in the past decade, I suspect.

And strangely enough, God (heart)ed me then. My mother was ill, and I opened the Bible seeking... something. Inspiration. Faith. Hope. I don't know.

I opened it to a random page, and the first passage I saw was one of victory. It really made me believe. At least for a moment. And Mom got better.

Did God (heart) me in my moment of scared-ness? Or did God (heart) my Mom, a much more deserving person, and just sort of clue me in?

I don't know. I wonder about these things a lot.

Despite my problems and flaws, I'm a very, very lucky guy. Or very, very blessed. I don't know which. But between God and Lady Luck, one of them certainly (heart)s me.

Am I ruining that (heart) with my sins? At what point do impure thoughts, malicious muttering and so forth turning God's love into a one-way express elevator going dowwwwwwwwwwwwwwn!

Have I already damned my soul for eternity with the things I've done?

Or is it a forgiving, (heart)ing God who watches over me and sees the "try" before the "fail"?

Have I run out of chances and luck without even knowing it? Somedays I pray for second chances at some things I've done wrong, to myself and others. Somedays, I think they'll never come.

Other days, good things happen, and I think, guess what? God (heart)s me, too. And I (heart) Him. Or Her.

Or something like that.